Started writing this a while back and only just completing it.
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I’ve been wanting to write about friendships for a while now because you see this friendship thing is my achilles heel.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been seeking a friend for the end of the world but it hasn’t quite worked out.
No, I don’t mean the type of friendship where we both hang out together and look like #friendshipgoals in pictures.
I’m talking about the real deal :
The I can talk to you about my four A.M thoughts and we’re there to support each other type.
The we can laugh, cry, argue, and most importantly talk about anything and everything type.
That’s what I’m about : Quality friendships…
I’m a bit of a mush ball even though I don’t know how to show it so when I care about someone, I tend to give it my all and every little thing that’s not said or done affects me.
I usually end up emotionally stressed ( Oh, you thought only boy-girl relationships can give you emotional stress? welcome to my world) because the other person isn’t vibing on my level.
I recently decided to stop investing emotionally in one of my supposedly best girls because I realized that we weren’t quite on the same page even though we’ve known each other for years now.
I wanted deeper conversations and a more quality friendship but you can’t force that on someone right?
I like to think that I’ve been real unlucky in this friendship department and on some days this fact takes its toll on me but I’m definitely more in control of my emotions now.
I think the whole point of this post is me slowly coming to the realization that I really shouldn’t stress and its probably one of those things that should just happen on its own so I’ve let it go.
I’ll probably still have moments when I wish my life was a circus filled with people, laughter and real talks but I’m learning to connect more with myself, to learn myself and try not to overthink things.
All I really ever needed was a squad but If this is what I get, then I got this.
I’ll just take this opportunity to appreciate my friend Shaenk (although he’s a guy and I’m more interested in female friendships lol) for being so good to me, for vibing on my level and being absolutely present! You’re gold.
If you have such friends in your life, tag them in this and give them a shout out/appreciate them in the comments. You’ve got gold. 🙂
Pictures by @chikadbia
P.S – I was a bit undecided on whether to use candid talk’ in the post title seeing as I plan to start a feature series with that title soon. I guess this is me asking y’all to please accept the repitition in advance
I had a mini-squad back in uni, a few years on and they're all gone. I miss them most times but I'm grateful I don't have to deal with the petty stuff that transpired in the group. I let all of them go except one, but today I think I'm ready to walk away from that too. I want someone to queen around with, someone who is ambitious and fearless, someone who is actually interested in living and not just existing, someone who has the guts to be inspired by death rather than be afraid of it…
I had that once. We used to connect on levels that bordered on improper, we cried and fought like sisters etc. Growth, that's our problem. We are no longer dreamy teenage girls. we've grown, we've changed.
I'd like a squad too, but been there, been burned.
Someone will come for us o. Don't force it mbok.
Lol, not forcing it in that sense.
Read my reply to the third comment.
Good friends are hard to find. In deed, they are more precious than gold.
Yup. 🙂
I get were you're coming from. It feels like you just got in to my head and started writing out my thoughts. I had a real friend. More like a sister. We would talk and argue and laugh. But university changed everything. I know I was at fault for ruining things but I'm trying hard to make it right because the truth is: I don't want a squad anymore. I want my friend back.
Cassie if you ever fint that friend(it doesn't have to be a girl), just hold on to it. And never force friendships. There's nothing have having someone who gets you totally and is on the same page with you. Good luck finding your friend.
I'm about to do what I said I wouldnt do, which is explain myself but my dear when I say 'force friendships', I don't mean in your face type. Its more like an emotional thing so trust that I know that.
Also I'm not exactly going out of my way and searching (Again its more like an emotional thing – just hoping to connect with someone) because that's what it comes off as when I read the 'good luck finding your friend part'.
A squad could just be one person though, forget the meaning of the word. Doesn't have to be a rowdy group…
Thank you for leaving me your thoughts Seyi. Maybe you should apologize to that friend?
Wait… Is this about me? I have a feeling…
*drum rolls* the plot thickens!
Lol. Yea we've sorted it out after a long chat. I think.
I love my friends,i can call them in the middle of the night..we all share the same dreams and goals. I've got issues but they are always willing to help. I know they gat my back anytime anyday. It took me 1 year before we became friends. We've been friends for 4years now and we still have more to go.
I thank God for bringing them to me, we've never had all those petty drama in our circle before n am glad I chose well.
Yessss!!
Caroline, you've got gold! 🙂
Maybe tag them so they see this comment? ^_^
Somehow, I've always been lucky in the friend department. Never made petty friends or had any of that girl drama with my close friends. I've known my best friend for about 9 years now and there's nothing we can't talk about. I even made new ones in the Uni and they're gold too. But personally, I'm my best friend first before anyone else. Since that's what you have, I'm sure you can work with it till you meet your 'on the same level' friend(s). Or just email me And we'll gist.. Lol
Oh! My friends are indeed Gold!!! They're the freaking best. Like, i've been through things that ordinarily should keep people away from me but they're there each and every day. It might sound cliche and so common place, but I honestly will be a mess without them…they encourage me, cry with me and tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it.
Weirdly, half of them are guys.
I believe you'll find more gold, keep looking 🙂
P.S: you've inspired my next post, permission to steal this idea?
Deep. Back in uni days, I had few friends. *IntrovertThingy* Ironically many people loved me or rather my ever motivating words. Fast forward to now, I probably have just one friend (excluding sisters sha) who realllly gets me and all my scoin scoin. We charge each other up which is what friendship should be about.
Nevertheless, when old pals call me to lift up their spirits, sure thing. But we all know we ain't besties anymore. Your true 5&6 friend will drift your way soon, doc. :*
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You're welcome! 🙂
Lol. Thank you but no, I'm not worried or anything about having one anymore. Nah
That's what the point of the post is, the fact that over time I've learnt to stop longing for a friend and I'm just content with whichever way things turn out.
Don't the questions that come out of differences, spur personal growth?
Lol. Hi Jones.
Thanks for reading but you're too deep for me oh. I don't quite get this question
I totally agree. I've always wanted that friend/friends (female too) that we would be like sister from another mother, we think alike, we don't have to talk to know how we feel and all that. Like the kind movies portray. I was always really upset when friendships didn't work out and I felt like maybe I was too needy so I've decided to just live my loner life. I like to think it makes me mysterious since not a lot of Ppl know what I'm up to Cos I don't chase friendships anymore.
P.s. your blog is awesome
Oh beauty! I can kiss you right now
You've given me the perfect comment today (sorry guys). Thanks for not also saying that 'don't worry your true friend will come line'
Thank you for relating completely.
Thank you!!!
You totally took this outta my drafts!!!! I have been trying to say this for a while now but never found the right words. I think am fortunate enough to have that kinda friend in my life now and i wasnt even searching when it happened. I think the key is to just be you and be the type of friend you want and let the universe do the rest. Nice read.
http://www.sunlightdreamer.blogspot.com
I've never been the type to let a lot of people into my personal life, my best friend since first year of high school is still the only one that truly knows me till date. The sister i never had , we cry, laugh, suffer, enjoy,celebrate together. Though we are not living in same country atm, she is still the one that totally gets me and the first to know the latest in my life….some high school teachers didn't even know we weren't sisters. My entire family(immediate and extended) knows her, lol. Currently i keep to myself because nobody I've met since then is like her. I still make friends easily but it never really goes beyond whatever we have in common and i don't invest emotionally anymore cos I've tried that and got burnt several times, so i'm sticking to the one because i understood that we can't always get that ride or die squad we want and it's totally okay..such is life! The ones we still have now are the ones that really matter!
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Hey Cassandra. This is a really good post. Your self-awareness and sincerity is so…key. Your desire/prayer is legit and I hope one day it's granted. I have great friends – I'm aware of this and that thank God daily. They fortify me and I don't deserve them. This comment is getting long sha but I guess this is as good an opportunity as ever to apologize again for the way I jerked off back in Diploma. You're an intelligent, noble soul and I'm sure you'll be fine. And shout to Shaenk! Best guy
This is a great post, you took the words out of my mouth. ..
http://www.sunlightdreamer.blogspot.com
Sadly, I have none. Shout out to those who do.
I've had times when finding and making friends is incredibly difficult. Finding long-term reliable friendships can be even tougher sometimes. And, although it's hard to break a friendship, if you're not on the same page it's better not to be friends. I think it was Robin Williams who once said, "It's better to be alone than to be friends with people who make you feel more alone." Truth.
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At times I always feel am d one have a problem with fnds or am not unlucky with good fnds…….It can be lonely when u have no fnds to hangout nd gist with……It can also be heartbreaking when the besty u have known for years dissapoint.
Awesome article. It's unfortunate ion have any right now. I used to have one when I was in Nigeria buh destiny has separated us now😢😢. We were both in LUTH, and we're like sisters. But I am learning to make a build new squad and just love me!😊
I love my friends – they are more valuable than gold! I don't have them a lot, but I can rely on them, they've never let me down 🙂 Great article! Pictures of the post are just wonderful.
Which filter did you use for the first pic?
Marta | MODERN BASICS
Thank you Marta. I really can't say unfortunately 🙁 , a friend took and edited the picture (I know its with vscocam though)
I have never really been able to keep relationships. It's part of why I'm a loner. I'd have to give my shout out to a guy friend who's always there for me even though like you, I'm looking for female friends. I always admired "New Girl"( a series) because of the friendship.
http://www.miralabelle.com
Meanwhile, Ije your blog doesn't load completely on my phone and that's why I find it hard leaving a comment for you 🙁
I read every post though, thanks for always supporting me.
😀 You're welcome! I wonder why it doesnt load completely? Have you tried using a laptop? Just to see if the problem is from the blog…
My dear, I don't have a laptop.
Even if I did sef, I won't be reading posts on it (eye ish), so its still my phone at the end of the day.
Its just that the loading time of your blog is long
Great friends are beautiful things, I'm so thankful that I've had that in my life, but it doesn't just happen. I've been in the position where I just waited for it to happen, and I've found that you have to seek friendships and like any relationship in life, you always have to work on it. People are always growing and not always in the way that you are, but if you only surround yourself with friends who are like you, then you remain stagnant. lol I could preach about this, but now I'm inspired to have a new blog.
Interesting post. Don't really have close friends. I only know a lot of people not friends.
ckjacob.blogspot.com
Great Post Cas! I've got few but great friends. I connect differently with each of them based on our likes/interests. Yay! I am cool with few cos i hate drama!
I think the most important element in a friendship is loyalty..I had a really close friend..we had the same tastes in almost everything but then I observed that she was really selfish and disloyal in that most things i expected her to do as a friend, she didn't. She was always on the receiving end of kind acts (not just from me but people in general) and made no effort to reciprocate. Once you find someone who goes to the same lengths, if not more, in showing concern and thoughtfulness then that's a keeper
I am a sucker for friendship and i love my friends
Welcome to my world dear. I longed for that friend/squad but things never seemed to work out. Now I have understood that I'll always be my bestie and that's ok. I take care of myself and lavish myself with the time and resources I would have spent on my friends. I even have the added bonus of discussing all matters with my very own self. No betrayal, no stress no disappointment. Love it!
I just graduated from secondary school and we were just eight in my class. we were more of a squad… then I have gold just like u do… His name is Damilare and he's a really cool and very blunt so one can tell him anything and he's also very supportive meanwhile he isn't so reserved so he talks to me too. He's my 2nd best friend… Then my mind's my first. I just enjoy serenity and solace to reflect and find my own solutions. I believe in Independence so I'm on urside Cassie.
Preach Cassie! Been there & also wrote a post about it. (Not sure if I was famzing with the nicknaming lol) it's annoying because we see our parents' ride/die friendships and wonder whether quality wore off as extinct since their generation. Good friends are hard to come by, but I've learned with experience, that they do exist. You just have to be patient and deal with all the drama that leads you along the journey to finding a good one until then
Trust me, I get what you mean!
I have been there and I still am where by I want a real friendship like you have described, where I can share my thoughts without feeling judged. I still pray for that friendship but in the mean time, I will enjoy the ones I have for now.
http://www.DearGodDiaries.com
lol i feel like a late commenter.. but its better late than never!
I have been sooo lucky in the friendship department. Had a squad in secondary school but unlike other squads that drift apart when they get in2 uni probably because they meet new people, grow matured and what not. Mine grew even closer regardless of the different unis, new friendships, maturity, distance etc. Its been 12years and counting and we practically sisters. We've fought, quarreled, cried, laughed, celebrated 2geda, kept malice, had man troubles sef that almost cost the friendship but we stuck to "boys come and go, friends stay forever". lol… Through the years, have learn that just as relationships, it takes two (or more) to make the friendship work. At some point you might want to give up but if its worth keeping then you would think other wise.
Annette
Myra
Progress
Ada
…
You girls are the real MVPs. Love you babies to infinity and a day after…
I have other GOOD friends both male and female. Guys, make the best besties btw.
P:S- Heard root canal treatment pains alot. My friend Myra didn't stop crying about it. lol.. Sorry in advance. Be strong!
Tega Enai
http://www.tegaenai.com
xoxo.
This post really hit home with me. You know how some people say you make the friends you'll have for life in secondary school? Yeah after secondary school I was worried for myself. Just never "vibed on that level" with anyone.
In uni, after making a bucketload of friends that turned out to be shine-shine instead of gold, I embraced that I was unique and probably won't get them kindred spirits.
Eventually, late in uni I struck gold in two girlfriends. We're very, very different but we GEL!
That aside, your conclusion is spot-on. Couldn't have put it better myself.
I can totally relate to this. My male pal calls it "tall girl problems"…
Where have you been all my life? This was me last year and I made a similar decision to yours. Don't force it, don't push it and it has paid off well.
Ah baby girl, I've been here forever but I'm glad we finally found each other! Maybe subscribe so we are always connected?
Although I'm not stressing much, I think it's a bit different from not pushing it. Sometimes you have to put in some work in your relationships especially if the other person is on the same page as you
Hey Sister girl, this might be awkward and I don't even want to scare you to the hills… But minutes ago I bumped into you on Instagram and liked your pictures, read your Bio and realized we had all that in common…went an edge forward clicked on your site and viola! THIS POST! This is so me right now and you had me at the 5th Paragraph talking about how much of a Mush Ball you are! I have really been failed in the friendship department cause I do give my all and like you said, they end up not vibeing to my creed. Sometimes I wonder if I am really the problem, like is it wrong to be so committed and loyal?! Oh well I have come to the conclusion that man would always fail me but Christ would ever remain true, so I Cling to Him. Even though I still crave true feminine friendship…NB- "Sorry you have to read all of these"
Lol I've been running away from reading this post but I recently saw a picture that says something about not forcing friendships. I took it to heart because I also noticed that I have been the one investing in friendships, I make the calls, share my problems blablabla. No more time for that. If the real ones stay then cool I got my squad, if not… baby girl has her life to live.
I've been praying to God for a true friend but I know God knows what I really need so it's up to him.
I don't know if u will see this post, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post and you penned perfectly everything that's been on my mind regarding friendships and the search for the 'best friend'. I admire your honesty and thought as a fellow thinker, to share with you some of my thoughts too. I believe that this post is amazing because it expresses the current need of the people in our generation. This post reveals the downside of living in this present world where in the midst to be 'independent' and able to put us the facade of I can handle it myself or better still, the phrase 'I'm good', we as people forget how to connect with others, and be there through it all for someone else. We don't know how to sustain relationships with others and back off, or we are in relationships and friendships where one person gives more than the other to the extent it almost feels like you are forcing the other person to be there. I completely understand your frustration and hurt and I totally commend your present choice. I am however learning that in order to have that kind of friend, is to know how to be that friend yourself (willing to be there and love without expecting anything in return, being there as a shoulder for another, to encourage and uplift and just be there), trust me this sounds as bunkers and as hard as it is( being human beings we want the same in return and are gutted when we do not receive it).But I'll tell you, The best friend I've ever had is Jesus Christ as He's the only one who's always loved and been there even when I've been an absolute dickhead, He knows everything and still chooses to love and defend me, a mere mortal. It's hard sometimes, tbh, wanting that best friend we see in the movies, or the friend some of our friends have, trust me I have shed many a tear over it, but now I'm slowly realising that in order for one to be truly happy, they have to love and know themselves first, and be so content with themselves and at peace that they can love others without reserve, and how can one do that without knowing the one who knows more about us than we know ourselves, God. I'm not saying I'm there yet cuz I am farrrrrr from it, but like I said, this is what I'm picking up on these days. I'm not saying it's easy, because it's a very very lonely place, it's painful because you want to be thought of and loved in a certain way, and it sucks when you don't receive it and I'm glad that you have gotten to the mindset that you have. I want to encourage you that in true time you will meet the person or persons you want to have, but I beg that you remember that you also have to be that kind of person to someone else. I ask that God blesses you with your hearts desires in all you do subject only to His will for your life in Jesus name amen. If u ever need to talk or anything you can email me or follow me on Instagram @msdupe1 and I'll follow back, all the best Hun
Yeah, I really wish I had that ride or die chick, one I could always talk to, one who knew everything about me. I am still trying to make friends though and I am also learning to develop myself into a worthy friend.
Meanwhile, Cassie, I love your blog! I love the neat layout, be rest assured you have a new follower.
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Omgosh, I know the feeling. I am also one to pick quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. I would rather be alone and do my own thing than have a random
Friend that I don't vibe with.
Recently I made a friend via social media and she is that friend I always wished for but I seekers her out myself. I know the traits I want my friend to have and sometimes those around you don't possess those traits. So make friends the non conventional way and maybe it will work for you like it did for me.
My mother always says "pick your friends, don't let them pick you. You know what you want".
I have the best squad in the world! We talk about any & everything. Even tho some of us are closer to each other, we’re ultimately your squad goals (lol). I’ve been out of uni for 2 years & even tho we aren’t all in the same place, we still talk every freaking day of the week.
The down side is, it’s sorta difficult for me finding people I vibe with like that where I am atm & I feel lonely sometimes cause nothing beats physical presence & hanging with the girl! Did I mention we NEVER have petty drama? Yeah the ultimate best!
I connected to this post on a spiritual level but like you said, I’m just trying to grow in anyway I can right now, whether its on a spiritual, mental or whatever level and just make the most of my life as it is now.
I’ve never been so lucky in the department of friendship, I’m one person that if Iike you i really do. I thought i was the only person that felt emotional when my girlfriends hurt me , I feel I haven’t seen that one person that makes me say the friendship is worth it , one minute I’m vibing with someone from my circle the next minute the person changes fr!.. I feel so sad when this shit happens, when I was in secondary school I thought maybe its because I care a lot for my friends and I’m always sacrificing my last in the name of friendship 🤦♀️.
But I made a decision while going to university that I won’t care, but I can’t stop and I’ve decided that till I see someone who appreciates I won’t stop caring .
I still love my girlfriends like Vivian, Patricia, theresa, uju ,kvwe, gift ,ngozi …I’ll use this meduim to thank them for sticking with me