01.12.13

I feel too much, that’s the problem
I felt everything just a little bit too intensely.
Pain, Joy, Love.
Do you think that’s possible? That one can feel too much?
When I Loved, I loved with all my heart and there was never anyone as caring as me.
I had the same relationship with pain.
When I hurt, I felt it all the way deep inside my heart. I never thought one could hurt so much it becomes a physical ache, like You actually begin to feel your heart ache as a physical symptom. How wrong I was
You see, I felt too much and that was the problem. Eliminate the problem and you become free, that’s the right thing to do yes? It seemed pretty logical.
I could feel things or I could shut down The less I felt, the better for me.
So one day I woke up and felt nothing. It was a gradual process, a gradual decline into nothingness
Oh the cruise that came along with it
That invisibility, I can’t be touched anymore. No more pain.
Cutting off ties, it felt so easy. 
One, Two, You’re out.

But with time I’ve come to realize that pain is an integral part of life, it actually helps you grow and the fact that you’ve been hurt doesn’t give you the right to go on and hurt others and its definitely no excuse for engaging in wrong acts. You have a choice but sometimes its hard to see beyond the pain and i understand that.
Whenever it seems hard remember that the plan God has for you are plans of good, to give you hope and a future(Jer29:11)

Every year you have more to lose, but you can choose to bury your past in the garden beside the tulips water it until it’s so alive it lets go and you belong to yourself again- Andrea Gibson

I’ve had that in my draft for a while now and i don’t know why but today felt like a good day to finally put it up.
Happy New Month guys!

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Cassandra Ikegbune
xoxo