Diary Of An Insomniac.

Cassie,let me share my story. I understand searching for house job. I had to wait 3 months after graduation to get it. I understand the frustration. It is like my frustration being 4x for you. I had to go on a silent retreat as I was getting so angry. I bashed my dad's car, 2 for that matter. Then I bashed our gate at home. And I have been driving for 6 years and I had never bashed a car. I was so angry, aggressive and insultive.  Then I did the silent retreat in Benin Edo State for 8 days and I talked to God. We talked and he told me TRUST…SANDRA YOU DOUBT TOO MUCH. I cried when He spoke those words to me. Anyway, I came out of the retreat happy and trusting. A week after, I got a job. The term of the job was that I won't get paid, a supranumerary. I asked God if this is the plan, and He said, remember Trust! I told my parents and they encouraged me to go saying; Sandra, forget the money, you will make money. But time you won't buy once it is gone. Plus I had a plan to launch my start up after house job by Jan 2017, I needed no delay. So, I went and worked like crazy with no pay. The work load was simply crazy. I lost weight, I look like bones. Anyway, hospital staffs started complaining  when they heard we were not paid about 8 of us. Some left but I continued with my vision in mind. When we became three, the hospital now said they would pay. My pay is #65000 which is half what my friends collect for house job. But, I didn't worry. There is a plan! So in June, the workload was killing me, I was so tired, I considered death, abi if I die, this will end! I was losing track of Trusting in God. Then I fell sick and required injections and iv drugs. My body broke down. This was a week to my birthday. I told God that I was tired and did not know His plan. I do this every year, as I reflect on my life as my birthday approaches. I was asking Him my purpose, my dreams, marriage, money etc. On my birthday, I still had not recovered, was having diarrhoea. I could not eat all the pizza and ice cream that was bought for me. I didn't know how to celebrate. Then I decided to go for Mass and thank God. I went 1 hour before Mass  and was talking to God. On the 23rd of June when I clocked 23, I had a life changing experience. It's profound. I cry when I tell people. I am tearing up now. So, I told God, what do you want? Where is my life headed? What does it mean to be 23? God spoke. He told me:Take one step at a time. DO not worry, u r more important than the birds in the field, why worry. Allow God be God Darling Sandra. Abandon all to God,worry about now and doing now WELL like it's your last…Darling Sandra, you doubt so much…Depend on Me, For I AM. Offer the difficulties, tiredness, annoyance. Everything offer it Dear Child!  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt 11: 28-30 dear one.
Be faithful dear one. When things get tough which they will. Keep going on!
Your purpose is to win souls, serving souls. Let men see the glory of God in your work. When fear and doubt comes, be wary it is the Devil. Say to fear…I am going to be what God says. I CRIED in church. I could not help it. He told me to write it down which I did! I thank God because I can always go back. And ever since then, I wake up with so much purpose and high spirit…Abi you know😉 I see the world differently. I SEE NO LIMITS. IMPOSSIBLE DOESN'T COUNT. I CAN DO ALL BECAUSE GOD HAS MY BACK.
Long story short, everything has a reason and purpose. Until you look at it from a supernatural reason from God, you will be frustrated. Cassandra JUST TRUST GOD! Thank you.